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April 2003, Issue 7

My favorite author Anne Lamott says, “I love it when people will tell me the truth and really take the lid off the soup pot and let me peer in.” I love that. I think as women, we can learn so much from each other’s experiences; we can learn to laugh at ourselves, learn better ways of doing things, and learn what not to do as well. Sharing with each other is so important…women need women; life is not always easy and its nice to know we are not alone in our experience—we have crazy, messy, beautiful lives and sharing our journey is a perfect way to support one another.

Passion is so important in our lives. I believe finding what we love to do and spending time towards those things is a basic necessity of life. It is tough. My life has been a schizophrenic journey from one job or interest to another as I constantly stop, re-evaluate and re-prioritize my life. My daughter’s birth was a catalyst for enormous personal growth. As a new mom I was terrified. I wondered: How can I teach this little person to be the best she can be when I’m not living my own best life? I had nothing I was passionate about and for a time I let other’s needs take precedence over my own. It was easier that way. I was so busy with laundry, dirty diapers, and grocery shopping that I didn’t have to think about what mattered most to me. It was scary to ponder those questions; I had NO IDEA what I was good at or what my true interests were.

Self-discovery takes time and it is on-going. Taking time out for yourself means giving up time spent in other areas; quite honestly, you must figure out what matters most and prioritize that way. For me, making time has meant letting go of perfectionism, building and relying on support structures, and cutting the fat in my schedule. Still, life can get downright crazy. On my best days I am productive, joyful, energetic. On my worst, I am cranky and uninspired, precariously balanced, an emotional avalanche that could tumble at any moment. On the days when I am grouchy I have usually lost sight of the big picture. That is to say I’ve gotten caught up in the mundane, let the truly unimportant crowd out the things I am passionate about. Shame on me.

I’ll tell you what: I’d prefer to go a million miles an hour pursing my dreams, being with friends, loving, laughing, frantically living life in a chaotic, haphazard, wonderful way than trying to ‘balance’ all the things I think I should do. I’d hasten to guess the great achievers of the world did not have, nor cared to have, any semblance of balance. They probably spent a disproportionate amount of time doing what they loved and didn’t sweat the rest. Do you think Einstein kept his closet organized? Do you think Shakespeare had laundry to worry about? Really, it seems only in recent years have we had so much to juggle, and only women that feel obligated to juggle it all. (Did you know that one definition of juggle is “to deceive or cheat”? I think that when we try to ‘juggle’ too many things, we are just cheating ourselves.)

No one expects as much of us as we do of ourselves. I have a hard time relaxing without feeling guilty…and I impose that on myself. We all need downtime. We all need to pursue the things in life that bring us joy. We all need to cut ourselves some slack. Life has so much to offer; we must take care of our own needs so we can embrace opportunity when it presents. I am still trying to learn these lessons. Writing this is just one more way for me to remind myself of what’s important; it’s a mantra that needs repeating.

Wishing you the very best,

Celeste Palermo

“A person will be called to account on Judgment Day for everything permissible he (she) could have enjoyed and did not.”
--TALMUD

“The source of continuing aliveness was to find your passion and pursue it, with whole heart and single mind.” --Gail Sheehy

FITBITS *
BY AMY & CAROL

THE FIT PLAN
Think back to the last time you went on vacation…we bet you remember planning where & when you would go, who would be joining you, how you would travel, and even determined how much money you would need to save. There is a simple principle applied here, PLANNING. It’s time to apply this principle to your fitness. Imagine if we dedicate the same time and energy to our fitness plan that we do planning for a trip. The personal gains can be enormous. Our FITBITS segment is devoted to helping you make a fitness plan, following and tracking your progress as well as giving you motivation along the way. Let’s begin!

Before you make a plan you need a GOAL. “The ability to adhere to a specific well-thought-out and long-term training program is the most necessary factor leading to success in any sporting event” advises a successful coach and professional triathlete. Setting a goal not only involves selecting an event or events, but also deciding what you expect from your participation in that event. Is your goal a PR (personal record), or to finish something you never thought possible, or to finish top in your class?

Following are some ideas to set your annual fitness plan in motion:
• SELECT 3 BIG ANNUAL FITNESS GOALS ALONG WITH SEVERAL SMALLER GOALS IN BETWEEN!
* Fitness ideas: Running races, duathlon, triathlon, a marathon, hike a fourteener (or several), road or mountain biking event or even a kickboxing tournament.
• USE LOCAL FITNESS EXPERTISE!
* Rocky Mountain Sports Magazine – Pick up the 2003 KEEPER edition, the year-long event resource issue. RMSM is also published monthly & available at most gyms & fitness stores.
* Active.com – Register & receive race discounts, look for local and national racing events.
* Runners World - Subscribe to any fitness magazine for all the latest trends & motivation.
* Watch for local speakers – Attend a session where a sports athlete discusses training & competition.
• GET A FITNESS JOURNAL!
*A journal allows you to monitor your performance. You can jot down your goals weekly and review them at the end of the week, and log how you feel.
• FIND A TRUSTED TRAINING BUDDY!
*Just as you don’t miss important events, you don’t miss out on that training session with your buddy. It keeps you focused on the event and it’s nice to catch up with your buddy before or after training.

Keep in mind if your goals are too many or too diverse, you may have difficulty achieving your main goal, which defeats the purpose. Good Luck!

ATTITUDE
(Sent in by Heidi Vangelisti. Author unknown.)

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."
"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged...it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it ...It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ...just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account ...you withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Money Matters!*
by Abby Mayer

When was the last time you took part of your “me time” and dedicated it to a little financial planning? As a new regular feature in the GIRLS Letter, this space will be dedicated to helping you learn about money, credit, and other financial topics. We’ll share resources that give sound advice on how to set financial goals, how to talk to your children about money, or just help you develop a budget and stick to it. We certainly don’t claim to be experts, but providing you with food for thought about your financial life can be a catalyst for you to seek out an expert if necessary. Listed below are just a few bullets to help you start take charge of your financial future – more will follow in future editions of the GIRLS Letter. Happy reading!
• Write down your short-term and long-term financial goals. Set dates, be realistic yet flexible, and check your progress every six months or so.
• Develop a budget. Find out where your money is going! Look for places to save, use this info to set a monthly budget, and review how things are going each month. Carry a notebook to track expenses – including those skinny vanilla lattes!
• Start saving. Small amounts of money saved regularly add up fast. We’ll talk later about compound interest, but this little secret will make your savings grow even faster. Open a savings account: shop around for the best rates, understand fees and charges, and take advantage of your employer’s 401(k) or invest in an IRA – the earlier in life you start saving, the more you’ll have later!
(Adapted from the Federal Reserve System’s brochure, “There’s a Lot to Learn about Money”, November, 2002).
Fun Reading: If you haven’t already, check out Sophie Kinsella’s novel, “Confessions of a Shopaholic.” It is a story about a compulsive shopper whose financial situation is out of control!

Quick Quote

“The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand. But—and this is the point—who gets excited by a mere penny? ….It is dire poverty indeed when man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won’t stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. Its that simple. What you see is what you get.”
--excerpt from Pilgrim AT Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard

Entertaining with Erika*
by Erika Wyrick

It’s easy to throw a fun party; the key is to keep it SIMPLE! So why not throw a Mexican Fiesta? You can try this out for a Cinco de Mayo celebration…or anytime for a perfect fiesta!

Invitations
Send postcards. They use less postage and you won’t have to address a lot of envelopes.
Find an old postcard or create your own and take it to Kinko’s (they’ll copy and cut them for you).

Food
Taco & Burrito bar – buffet style
Chips & Salsa
Guacamole
7-layer dip
Spanish Rice
Quesadillas
Roasted corn on the cob

Bar
Set up a cooler with cerveza
White wine Sangria
Red wine Sangria
Hot Tamale martinis (recipe below)
Rent a margarita machine from your local party rental! It’s fun and easy!

Decorations
Use Mexican blankets as a tablecloth or table runner
Buy cacti, leave them in their original pots and tie raffia around them
Piñatas

Recipe
Hot Tamale Martini’s
1 oz. Raspberry flavored vodka
1 oz. Sweet and Sour Mix
1 oz. Cranberry Juice
Splash of Cinnamon Schnapps

Shake in a martini mixer and pour into martini or margarita glass. To dress it up add a few Hot Tamale candies to the glass.

Introducing Regular GIRLS Features…

From this issue on, we will have regular GIRLS features and contributors! Regular columns are noted with an *. Let me introduce the contributors for this issue:
FITBITS: Amy Dickinson and Carol Goble. Two of the most motivated and fit people I know!
Money Matters: Abby Mayer & Heather Parrish. These gals are big hitters in the field of finance!
Entertaining with Erika: Erika Wyrick. Look out Martha…Erika knows how to throw a party!
LifeLong Learners: Ashley Gehrke: An educator, administrator and mom of McKenna!
Coach’s Corner: Cara Titcomb. Need a life coach? Contact Cara at: coachcara@prodigy.net
Look for other regular features in upcoming issues!

Barbara Bush: Ten Lessons She’s Learned In Life
From Unique Lives and Experiences Lecture Series; March 03, 2003
(While attending this lecture, I took notes to share with all of you! She’s got some great advice…Read on!)

1) Learn not to take life (or yourself) too seriously.
2) Don’t live life hesitantly. Quit making excuses and get involved. HAVE FUN.
3) Never ask anyone over 70 how they feel.
4) Take time to appreciate the people around you.
5) Remember what’s most important: Faith, Friends, Family, Tolerance
6) Learn NOT to waste time. (Worrying about things you can’t change, watching reality TV, and staying angry are all a waste of time.)
7) Spend quality time with children. Parenting is our most important job and we must treat it as such.
8) Read to/with children.
9) Take an active part in your community. Show confidence in America by supporting your community. Become a good neighbor. Don’t wait for a big moment; be an everyday hero.
10) The longer we persevere, the richer our blessings will become.

Lifelong Learners *
by Ashley Gehrke

Sometimes I have been told that I must “work with” McKenna or it is assumed that she knows what she knows because I am an educator. What many parents don’t realize is that THEY are their child’s first teacher. Everything that we do and say is modeling behavior for our children, who in turn absorb everything like sponges and act it out.

Every moment is a “teachable moment.” We can consciously choose to fill these moments with immersion of language and literacy. From the beginning, when children become aware of the power of language, they should be immersed in it. Just by seeing you read, whether it’s the paper, novels, or textbooks, you are modeling reading behaviors, which your children will internalize. When you write grocery lists, letters, or poetry, your children are learning the power of the written word. Modeling positive literacy behaviors has the biggest impact for your child.

Making the most of these moments does not have to be like homework. “Teachable moments” become an unconscious part of everyday life. For example, when writing a grocery list, read it to your child as you write it, point out each of the letters, or let your child write it for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just let children enjoy learning. Children learn best through active play. Singing the ABC’s in the car, drawing, and writing letters to grandma all enhance your child’s love for learning.

If you think about all the moments during the day when you can influence your child, it becomes mind-boggling. Remember to take advantage of the teachable moments that you experience everyday and your child will embrace the power of learning, too!

TIPS:
* Count Cheerios in the bowl, toys in the tub, cars in the street...anything!
* Read to your child as much as possible
* Give them opportunities to write and draw
* SING! (as your child gets older, you can write the songs down for them to “read”)

Coach’s Corner*
by: Cara Titcomb

Balance is an issue we hear about constantly, most likely because everyone has issues with finding and maintaining that ever elusive state. In the past few weeks, I’ve been forced to realize yet another aspect of balance that I don’t really want to admit. Well, two things actually. One, everything I do takes way longer than I anticipate. I think I can muster up my inner Superwoman and complete any task in five minutes, whether it be completing a thesis or painting a condo; rarely does it work out that way. And two, I can’t do everything at once (and an extension of that: I can’t please everyone all the time). For me, these two aspects of myself serve as gauges for my internal balance. And right now I am completely out of whack because I have tried to do things too quickly and all at once!

In the last few weeks, I have entered into a new relationship, bought and renovated a condo, entertained a visit from my parents, and completed the first draft of my Masters thesis. In the end, everything turned out fine, but I seriously underestimated the time and energy it would take to do all these things while still maintaining some sanity and balance. And that last part wasn’t all that successful. So yesterday, rather than forging on and starting the next steps with the thesis (or whatever) I decided to have a “Cara Day.” Some time to catch up on all the little things that I had been neglecting and just take some time to do something for myself. I am constantly reminded that having anchors in my life to ground me helps sustain a sense of balance even when everything is changing. Just a talk on the phone to my sister or a friend is incredibly therapeutic. Writing in my journal also grounds me because it causes me to reflect upon the changes and events that have put me off quilter. Usually journal writing is the first to go when things get hectic, which aggravates things even more. If I honored my time and gave myself permission to take a few minutes to reflect, write, vent, or relax, I probably wouldn’t get out of balance as quickly (even with my unrealistic time frames).

Though this is just the way balance plays out for me, it’s important for all of us to recognize and nurture the aspects of ourselves that bring balance. If we don’t pay attention to what puts us out of balance, we can’t really work toward improving our situation or minimizing the pendulum swings between stress and boredom (or whatever your pendulum swings between). Life is never going to be in a perpetual state of total balance. If it were, we would most likely be fairly bored or boring, uninteresting people. (This is not to say that those of you who have achieved balance are this way; you just might be aliens from another, more organized planet.) Life is full of changes and chances for growth. What’s important is getting to know yourself well enough to stay grounded during times of rapid change, thus shortening the swings of the pendulum. Challenges and changes really prove to be opportunities most of the time, so the important thing is staying in tune with who you are and regaining your center before you forget that person.

For me, I need to remember to enjoy the process and go with the natural flow of events. Also, I feel more balanced when I simplify my life; like cleaning out the closet or dropping obligations. All of us are individuals who have different needs and triggers. We have different anchors and different events that swing the pendulum and push us out of balance. Looking back at times when you’ve felt out of balance, what’s contributed to that feeling? What helped regain balance? How can use your personal history to anticipate potential swings and help you center more quickly? Just know that, unless you are a more highly intelligent alien life form, life will always be a great big pool of change, diversity, and unexpected events. Grace, I think, is learning how we best operate under those challenges and using them as opportunities to spur personal growth.

LAST THOUGHTS
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