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November 2001, Issue 2

What are traditions and what makes them so meaningful for us? Traditions are activities we repeat regularly because they are related to what we value, i.e. bedtime stories, Sunday dinner after church, decorating our homes for the holidays – but what makes them special is that they are shared. Traditions remind us of past caring and give hope for the future.

A section of this GIRLS letter is to share different traditions and encourage you to establish personal, self-nurturing traditions as a reminder of how valuable you are – reminders of self-caring.

At my house when I have a bad day, everyone has a bad day and the reverse is also true. Nurturing the nurturer is critical. Make your life-- your interests, your values –your first priority. Take time for yourself.

Most of us over-extend and commit to things we don’t really value in an effort to gain acceptance. Beware of allowing your value to be assigned by what you do or “care take” for others what they can do for themselves. Share your talents and energies, but also learn to set boundaries. You are valuable because of who you are!

Remember we are Glorious, Intelligent, Radiant, Luscious, Sisters! So, radiate luscious self-confidence as you use your glorious intelligence to nurture yourself, your family and friends by honoring the traditions that bond us together…and take the time to create some special ones just for yourself! Our potential as GIRLS is unlimited.

Now switching gears…I wanted to Thank You all for the positive feedback and the letters sent in response to the first GIRLS letter! I have tried to incorporate many of your voices in this issue, but have saved some of your contributions for issues to come. To that point, I know a few of you wanted to contribute to this letter but ran out of time, so keep the ideas coming for next time! This issue is a bit longer than the last, but has great words shared from many women. As we share our experiences, we can only get stronger, so read away! (I suggest reading this issue in the bubble bath with a cup of tea or glass of wine!)

Many of us have different belief systems. In parts of this letter I share my personal beliefs and perspective, but know that you may hold different values and ideas. My ultimate goal is for each of us to follow our dreams and build our own unique lives based on individual callings. So, take from this letter what “clicks’ for you and create your own abundant life! Be joyful this holiday season and everyday. Celebrate each moment and share your love with others. This time is all we’ve got…so as my grandfather used to say, “Live it up!”

Live-Laugh-Love,

Celeste Palermo

Traditions

Family:
1) Prayer. No matter what you believe, it’s a spiritual family activity.
2) Garlic soup. (Bina calda ?) or a traditional ethnic meal shared every Christmas eve with family.
3) Have a special ceramic plate for a family member’s birthday, anniversary or other special day. Record the dates on back and use from year to year.
4) 25 Day Countdown. Starting Dec. 1st, string peppermints and eat one everyday. Kids will love this!
5) Spend an afternoon raking up leaves into a big pile and the rest of the day running through them!
6) Buy a solid tablecloth (mine is red) and each year at Thanksgiving and Christmas have family members write on it (in permanent marker) what they are thankful for. Over the years, you will have a treasury of words to feast upon!
7) Cut berry twigs or evergreen branches and decorate your mantle or make a winter arrangement.
8) Play Nat King Cole, Elvis, or Charlie Brown’s Christmas before bedtime throughout the holiday season!
9) Watch a classic holiday movie, such as “A Christmas Story” on Thanksgiving to kick off the holiday season.
10) Have a standing Sunday night dinner with people you love. This is the time to enjoy special moments before the crazy work week begins!
11) Every Thanksgiving Day select one family members name from a bowl for Christmas stockings. Each person fills that stocking and presents it to them on Christmas Day!
12) At Christmas Dinner, set a place at the table for any stranger that might stop by. This represents making a place in your home if Jesus was to appear at your door and that you should welcome anyone into your home the way he would.
13) On Christmas or other holiday, write a riddle or poem on each gift you are giving; then the person reading it has to read the riddle and guess what is inside each package!
14) On Christmas morning light a candle on coffee cake or spice cake to celebrate the birthday of Jesus.
15) Tuck special notes in a loved one’s pockets or suitcase when they travel, one for each day they are on the road!
16) On Mother’s Day go with your mom, sister, or friend to a nursery, purchase a bevy of spring flowers, and spend the day planting them together – a unique bonding experience!

Personal:
Since I didn’t receive any “personal” traditions, I thought I would suggest a few.
1) A monthly manicure or pedicure.
2) Buy yourself fresh flowers on the first day of every month.
3) Journal nightly before going to sleep.
4) Save all your change at the end of each day and buy yourself something from a “Wish list” every four months.
5) Regular bubble baths!
6) Spend 30 minutes with a favorite magazine or GIRLS letter when they come in the mail!

My friend Karen has gracefully agreed to share her letter. It reveals life goals and some important lessons learned. Read on…

Dear Celeste-

What an inspiration you are. I have been struggling for a couple of years now to find my way back to me. It has been such a challenging road to follow after several life changes: the birth of my daughter, getting married and buying a house. Your touching letter came at just the opportune time. In taking the time to think about and write out my goals, successes, frustrations and inspirations etc. it has brought to light what I have known for two years but have failed to do, take care of myself. I wholeheartedly agree that family traditions as well as self-fulfilling goals are key to creating a life of happiness and meaning. I, however, found myself wrapped up in taking care of everyone else and forgetting that I need some time of my own. Since your letter, I have dedicated time to accomplish many of the interests I have failed to address over the past two years. Robb and I have also decided to start some family traditions of our own. The first tradition: Thanksgiving. This year our families will join us in our new home for dinner rather than the three of us jumping from house to house. The second tradition will be spending Christmas at our new home with the same idea as Thanksgiving. And the third tradition is the first annual Moody Christmas party. This festivity will include not only our family but our friends as well. Although these are time old traditions that many families have done for years, they are very new to our family.
I would like to briefly add my goals, who inspires me, and my life lesson that you had mentioned in your letter.
Goals- Exercising (weight lifting, yoga, pilates)
Run a half marathon
Learn a second language (French)
Continue making Candles
Stay in touch with old high school friends
Who inspires me- There are many people who inspire me on a daily basis, some I don't even know. But there are two people who consistently inspire me, my husband and Oprah Winfrey. My husband has an amazing zest for life. Although he is hard to keep up with, he consistently challenges me to determine what make me feel happy and complete in my life. Oprah Winfrey is an incredible women in every sense of the word. If ever I think I cannot overcome a situation in my life, I remind myself of all that she has not only overcome, but achieved in her life.
Life lesson- I am positive there are many more life lessons to be learned, the one that seems to hold true on a daily is basis for me is, choose your battles wisely. Choosing my battles wisely initially came from being a stay at home mom raising a two year old, although it has come to apply in many aspects of my life.

Karen

Quick Quotes:

“Live Juicy. Living juicy means: Rolling down a bright grassy hill, sleeping all day to stay in a dream, definitely taking your shoes off at the beach, dancing to your headphone stereo, buying flowers that make you gasp, kissing puppies, running just for fun, and IMAGINING YOURSELF MAGIC.” --SARK

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Be always ecstatic. Be filled with a divine intoxication.” --- Henry Miller
“Everyone has something gorgeous to offer if we take the time to listen. “ --- SARK

“I believe we need to GO TO where we want to be and the resources will follow us.” ---SARK

A JUGGLING ACT

Is impossible to “do it all” and we know “Superwoman” does not exist. Everything is a trade-off: time taken from one area and put towards another. Still we try to accomplish more than women have ever done in history. Truly, it becomes a juggling act. For me, I salvage time that could be spent cooking by making dinner simple. Dropping cheese and veggies on a Boboli produces a healthy pizza in 10 minutes. Turkey hot dogs are popular at my pad. I frequently cook in a crock-pot. I also save time in other areas by carefully prioritizing my months, weeks, and days. I have a friend that helps me clean my house. I exercise at home. I rely on Pete to pull 50% in all areas. I have my milk, eggs, cheese, etc. delivered every Monday morning. I give Peyton a bath only once a week. (Just kidding!) But truly, there are areas you can save time if you recognize and utilize your support system. Do you need more time for yourself? In 2002, make it an absolute priority to carve out time for yourself. I KNOW it is tough; (I have only exercised ONCE this whole month), but overall, I am more productive and effective if I make an effort in that direction… Good Luck!

Every woman needs:
• A feeling of control over her destiny
• One friend who makes her laugh and one who lets her cry
• To know how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it likely she’ll get it
(From an e-mail forwarded to me…Author Unknown)

 

A perfect gift idea for the holidays…

Make a cookbook of your families recipes (grandma’s, mother’s, sister’s, brother’s , aunts, etc.) and place a favorite photo of them beside their recipes. Put them in a ring notebook with protective coverings on the pages. (Maybe laser copy the pages and make books for all family members!) This is a thoughtful gift that will be treasured forever!

This is a letter from my cousin Sarah. She shares strength and perspective gained as a Navy wife during these uncertain times…
On April 23rd I waved good-bye to my husband. With our five-month-old son on my hip, I watched as he and twelve other men walked towards the massive military jet in silence. All dressed in their flight suits, their sea bags flung over their shoulders, they almost seemed to move in slow motion, each of them out of step with the other. They were off to meet the USS Enterprise—an aircraft carrier headed for a six-month deployment in the Mediterranean. I had always known this day would come, it was part of my husband being a Navy pilot, but I had managed to remain in denial until the moment I kissed him goodbye.
When I got back home that day I felt an unexpected range of emotions. I was unbelievably sad and overwhelmed, but I was also a little angry. “How could he leave me for six months?” I thought. “Why is being in the Navy more important than being here with me? He says he’s ‘serving the country,’ but we haven’t had a war in years; he’ll just be making fun, exotic port calls!” I felt abandoned, and the enormous temptation to throw in the towel and run home to my mother was looming ever greater in my mind. But life got in my way. The shower door broke, the baby got sick, the roof sprung a leak, fire ants invaded the kitchen, and the car started to rattle. Things happened without consideration for the fact that my husband was thousands of miles away, our only communication e-mail, and that I was all alone with a baby.
Time went on and I met new friends and neighbors, people my husband had never known. Our son started to crawl and say “Dada” for the first time. I learned to balance the checkbook, haggle with the insurance company, and fix leaky back doors. I lived like a single Mom, staying up all night with our sick baby, no one to relieve me. I ate alone and crawled into my lonely bed each night. Silence always filled the house after my son went to bed. My husband’s grandmother died; and then his aunt. I was diagnosed with an unusual disorder in my jaw and was swamped with doctors’ appointments and decisions to make on my own. All without his hand to hold or shoulder to cry on. Our lives evolved and changed. So many things happened, and we both went through it thousands of miles apart. “I need my husband,” I’d scream and cry. “It’s not fair, I need him more than the Navy does!”
And then September 11th happened. The ship’s e-mail was shut down and I lost contact with my husband. I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing—until CNN announced the USS Enterprise was in the Arabian Gulf, beginning the air strikes against Afghanistan. My husband was in a war. Never have I been so proud of my husband or his job. And never have I understood it so much. Right then I learned the hardest lesson a Navy Wife has to learn—a soldier can love his family and defend his country at the same time. It is because he loves his son so much he wants to make the world a better place for him. And it is because he knows his wife is strong and capable, and because their love knows no distance, that he is able to leave his home and do what he is called to do. And it is because he feels compelled to do this that I love him so much.
In a week my husband will be returning from sea. His six-month deployment was extended after the attacks on September 11th. If I had known this when he left I don’t know if I could have coped. But by the time we heard the news I had five months of a tough lesson in Navy life under my belt, and I was prepared for their extension. By October I was ready to do anything, ready to sacrifice any comforts, so my husband could serve his country. And nothing made me prouder than to do that for him—for our country. He will return a hero, a veteran. There will be celebrations and honors and commendations. The country will celebrate, and the media will jump at the news.
He will also return to a wife who is six-months stronger, weathered by the life of a Navy Wife. But you won’t read about that in the paper. And you probably won’t read about my husband when he does his six-month deployment again—next time during peace. But he will go out again, and I will wait again. And if there is a war, he’ll be there. And all the while I’ll be here, putting our son to bed and eating dinner alone. But next time I won’t cry and I won’t be angry because I’ll understand that “she who waits also serves.” ---Sarah (Last name withheld for privacy)

A Quick Quote

"There are always hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe,
sick people to comfort, and make well. While I don't ask you to
save the world, I do ask you to love those with whom you sleep,
share the happiness of those you call friend, engage those among
you who are visionary, and remove from your life those who offer
you despair and disrespect."

----Nikki Giovanni

Blessings and Faith

We all have beliefs that sustain us in rough times. Here, Nikki, a close friend, shares how she handles tough times with “faith, hope, and perseverance.”

Has your spirituality been tested since September 11th? The media has reported that people are flocking to churches, mosques, and synagogues in record numbers looking for answers to questions that are not completely answerable. Where is God? How could he let this happen? What will happen next?
When a non-Christian friend of mine asked me those very same questions, I decided that I would be willing to share my conviction with her rather than my opinion. I once heard a minister say that the difference between the two is that an opinion is something you hold, a conviction is something that holds you. I began to explain that I could only tell her what I "knew" to be true: that my faith stands solid in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. He was in control that day, as he is every day. He did not cause this to happen. The Pastor of our church said "This was a natural disaster, created by man, and not by God." But we are not to be worried, anxious, or afraid. As long as we are "born again" in the spirit, we have nothing to worry about, especially not death.
What an awesome experience faith is. The more I "let go and let God" the easier my life is. I recently went through invitrofertilization (IVF) for the first time. Although it didn't result in a pregnancy, it was one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. In this difficult situation I decided to completely trust in God, because I knew how difficult the journey could be and I was not strong enough to handle it alone. On our daily "shots and appointments calendar," my husband Tracy and I wrote Proverbs 16:3,9 " Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Our daily prayers were not for a baby, but for God's plan in our lives. The day the doctor’s office called to say the result was negative, I admit I was sad, but not devastated. The following morning I awoke with actual joy that I could not explain. I experienced the "peace that passes all understanding." I am absolutely certain that by turning it over to God, my pain was taken away. We know that God's plan is bigger than our own and that there is a baby Fox waiting for us, by some means, in the future. I know this with certainty!
I believe that we all need to do a soul check before difficulties come so that we are equipped to handle them with faith, hope, and perseverance. There is an old saying... "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Some people are put off when I mention God, and sometimes they stop being friends. It takes a leap of faith to talk about spiritual issues, but I would rather share my conviction, than suppress it. God is with me forever and in troubled times there is no greater comfort.
God Bless you!

Lessons from the Backseat

Stuck in tech center traffic just a few days ago, I was frustrated, irritated, and impatient.
“Traffic sucks,” I grumbled.
As the car inched forward I thought of a million things I could be doing with these lost minutes. Precious time was slipping away.
“It’s O.K., Mommy.” Peyton’s sweet voice brought a smile to my face.
“It’s O.K.” She repeated, re-assuring a harried mom.

At moments such as this I know why God sent this little person into my life. Three years ago I was focused on life’s destination, not the journey. Now I am regularly reminded to savor the trip.

In the past few years I’ve been stretched paper thin and gone through tremendous personal growth. My values have been put to the test and I’ve had to re-discover Celeste. I’ve realized I cannot go it alone and renewed my personal faith in God.

Still, on crazy afternoons such as this one, I get caught up, lost in the moment. Unfailingly, little Peyton, not yet subject to deadlines and “to do” lists, reminds me to savor the down time. A good lesson to learn…and one I must re-learn almost every day! So on this day, we sing songs and look for purple cars. We dream. We live the moment to the fullest –-even amidst rush hour traffic!