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July 2005, Issue 11
—Passion and Perspective—
What are you passionate about? What makes your soul sing? Do you know?
As I was pondering the things I love most, the thought crossed my mind that many women today probably do not know what they are passionate about. So I tried a little experiment. I sent an e-mail to 100 of my girlfriends. (Let me point out that this list included my mom, sister, and my very closest friends.) I asked: What are you passionate about? Are you living with your heart fully alive? Why or why not?
One person responded. One. (Two more sent me a reply after I threatened bodily harm, but either way it was a meager response.)
“Oh, I was going to think about it and reply later,” said one friend.
“The thought of thinking about that is overwhelming,” said another.
“To tell you the truth, I didn’t respond because I am not sure what I am passionate about,” said still another.
How sad. Where along the path of life do we forget? Where do we lose ourselves and the intrinsic knowledge of what we love best? As little girls we knew what made our hearts sing; our hearts were fully alive—every day. When asked, my daughter, Peyton, tells me in one breath: Purple. Princess stuff. Hillary Duff. Tennis. Jewelry. Friends. Her sister. Nail Polish. Krispy Kreme. (Well, who doesn’t love Krispy Kreme?) Yet, somewhere along the road to responsibility we lose that sweet knowing; we stop hearing the voice of the girl who knows us so well. Why does she fall silent?
We ignore her to pursue our careers, so we can become successful. We quiet her around others, so we will be accepted. We give of her to husband and children. And let’s face it, we just get busy. At some point, we can’t find her anymore and we might not even recognize her voice.
Take the time to re-discover what you love. Be brave enough to investigate and pursue the life of your dreams. It is scary. I know; I’ve been there.
After the birth of my first daughter, I became very depressed. I cried every day, mourning the loss of self I felt when becoming a mother. Instead of adding a child to the list of what I loved most—I felt robbed of my identity. “How can I teach her how to live her dreams if I don’t even know what mine are?” I wondered. I was so busy being an employee, a wife, and a mom—that I lost me…and it was terrifying.
That was six years ago. Now I can tell you what I am most passionate about. I am passionate about God, my family, the written word, black and white photography, big spaghetti dinners, bubble baths, and sunscreen. For those of you who know me, my life reflects my passions. I am a different woman than I was six years ago; I am happy, grounded, content.
We must create the life we want; it won’t just float down to us on the river of life. Sometimes hard choices are required to get us to where we want to be. Other times, simply knowing what you value and acting from your heart is all that is required. I had to pray, listen quietly, and act. I resigned from my career—walking away from a fabulous job by any standard, but a job that was not in line with my passions. I started writing and sending out my work—subjecting myself to rejection. I exposed a lot of film as I learned how to frame a perfect photo. And I slathered on the white stuff, even poolside in Vegas where tans are oh so cool—and I was oh so…not cool.
Every decision we make either takes us toward our dreams or away from them. After I get done with this I can choose to work on my book manuscript (a step toward a goal) or dive into the new Harry Potter book (Not productive time use. Darn.). Of course, we must have fun in our lives, but my point is if we are disciplined and focused toward our goals, our lives will be the fun part, not the break we take from the drudgery.
Some things matter in life and some things do not. Make sure your life reflects what matters to you. (Usually your heart’s desire and your talents go hand in hand.) You were created for a purpose and you are denying yourself (and the world!) the benefit of your gifts if you do not live with your heart fully alive through a passionate purpose.
Think. Pray. Risk. Act. Work. Endeavor. Try. Go for it! I can’t wait to hear your heart’s song!
Blessings,
Celeste Palermo
Rotten.... or Not?
byLinda Titcomb
After a whirlwind visit taking in everything from Disneyland to the Del Mar Fair, Celeste and her girls are now over a thousand miles away, back in Denver. As I wipe sticky fingerprints, vacuum crumbs, and rinse traces of beach sand from the tub, I miss them. The time together seemed too short, but I am grateful; we crammed a lot of activities into those few days.....
"I'm going to run to the store!" I call to Celeste, who is out on the patio, working on her writing, soaking up some 70-degree California sun.
"Can I come?" asks Peyton, appearing out of nowhere.
"Sure," I agree. "Morgan's still napping. We won't be long."
"Grammie, I know this won't happen for a while," Peyton says in a contemplative voice as we head down the road to the store, "but do you want to get burnt... or put in a box...where you... you know...?"
I start to laugh.
"What?" She defends what seems a perfectly sensible question, "Do you want to get rotten..... or not?"
Containing my laughter, we proceed to discuss cremation vs. casket burial, an odd discussion to have with a 6-year-old, but a subject apparently brought to (her inquiring) mind by the recollection of her father's grandmother who passed away at age 106.
Once at the store, I become intent on the "necessary" items while Peyton scans for more interesting fare.
"Grammie, can we get these?" she asks, holding up a jar of colorful "sprinkles."
"We don't have anything to put them on," I argue, and she puts them back, only to focus on birthday candles in the shape of numbers. She can't find the 7.
"Why don't they have a 7?" she asks. I help her find one. "Can we get it?"
"It's not your birthday yet," I reply, "and we probably won't celebrate your birthday here."
"Well, we could," she argues. "Maybe you could buy it just in case." But I tell her to put it back and we move on.
Thinking back, I now see Miss Peyton has been the catalyst for a major epiphany: There's a good chance I have started to "get rotten"--rusty, moldy, stale, boring, dull, decrepit--even BEFORE I'm in a "box." I mean, why not celebrate: I'm six-and-a-half-going-on-seven... when you're halfway there? Why not put sprinkles, not only on cookies and cupcakes, but on mashed potatoes, ice cream, spinach... or whatever? How perfectly "rotten" of me to be such a killjoy and not see the possibilities she saw (passion).... for making every day a celebration of life (perspective)!
Celeste might nickname her girls Passion and Perspective, for that's what they are; that's what all children are. They quickly assess what they want...and what they don't want, as Morgan did with the small stuffed animals Peyton won at the fair. Gathering them up, Morgan examined and discarded each with a definitive "Yuk!" as though they were undesirable suitors, running off to find her true passion, her Piggie.
If you take the letters from Passion and Perspective and rearrange them, you get: Prisons and Active Peeps. Kids are Active Peeps. Somehow, on our way to adulthood, most of us remain in the Prisons of our "safe" shells and eventually become "rotten" eggs... when we could be Active Peeps, constantly emerging from the safety of our shells toward unlimited possibilities in life.
The letters also give us a reminder of the child-like qualities we must cultivate to have a life of Passion and Perspective:
P articipatory P repared
A ffectionate E nthusiastic
S ensual R espectful
S pontaneous S haring
I mmediate P ersuasive
O bservant E ngaged
N atural C urious
T houghtful
I nitiating
V isionary
E ffusive
And so to answer Peyton's question: "Do you want to get burnt... or get rotten..." my answer must be to burn--to burn with my identified passions while I still can... and to not "get rotten" before my time, before I'm in a box.
With that in mind, I'm on my way to the store again... this time, to buy two jars of sprinkles and two candles--one in the shape of a 7... and one in the shape of a 2 (little sister). Then I'm off to the post office to mail them. But don't tell her. I want it to be a surprise.
And then...well, anything is still possible!
Free/cheap things to do in Denver this summer…
By Erika Wyrick
- Denver City Park Jazz- Every Sunday through August 7th at 6p. It's free and a great way to relax with family and friends with a picnic and bottle of wine.
- Films at Fillmore - Free movies at Fillmore Plaza starting July 7th. The movies start at dusk approximately 9p - bring a blanket and snacks. This year's schedule:
- 7/21 - Caddyshack
- 7/28 - Shrek 2
- 8/4 - Ocean's 12
- 8/11 - Lemony Snicket
- 8/18 - Spiderman
- 8/25 - Aviator
- Taste of Colorado - September 2 - 5 at Civic Center park
- Denver Art Museum - Get out of the heat and see some great art –if you're a Colorado resident (bring your driver's license) it is free every Saturday.
- Colorado Rockies games - Rockpile seats. Tickets are $4/per person.
GIRLS Events
Denver GIRLS: You are invited to an Open House “It’s a GIRL Thing!” We will have appetizers and drinks…and an opportunity to shop for the cutest “GIRL” things ever. All sorts of signs, frames, decorative items, purses, flip flops, etc. Sat . July 23 rd from 4-7 pm. E-mail celeste@thegirlsletter.com for directions.
…Stay late for a movie and some more GIRL time!
Wanted: Individuals Passionate About Life.
Must Be Willing to Learn and Have Fun. No Heavy Lifting Required.
When I get lost in the minutiae of "To Do" lists, getting outside always helps me keep perspective. Hiking up a mountain with a 50-pound pack on my back definitely makes me focus on my goals, my passion for nature, and accomplishment. Though my legs be weary, every step takes me closer to the top. To turn back would be accepting defeat; the rewards at the top--the view of the peaks and valleys from the ridge line, the cool, crisp air, and the sense of being part of something bigger--are worth the focused effort. Such is life. We can accomplish anything step-by-step. We just have to know where we want to go.
Imagine the energy wasted schlepping a 50-pound backpack up and down a mountain trail without knowing which peak you want to scale. It is exhausting! Now imagine that same trek with a 100-pound pack. If someone were to suggest such a vague trip, I doubt you'd have much interest. Wandering for days hefting a heavy load with no clear goal in sight? Nooooo thank you!
As ludicrous as it may seem, many people happily comply. You may be one of them. Envision for a moment that you carry an invisible pack that saps your energy, thwarts your aspirations, and compromises your ability to live out (or discover) your true passions. This pack is filled with a number of things: responsibilities, unrealistic expectations, unfinished projects, nonessential material objects, past memories, and any number of odds and ends that weigh you down and impede you from realizing your goals. Commonly known as "clutter," either physical or emotional, you willingly (and often unknowingly) carry the load. Compounded with a lack of purpose and passion, the load is just too heavy, each step becomes too difficult, and you find yourself stuck on that mountain trail... lost, without a map.
If you are in this situation, do not despair, for there is help and hope: First, you must stop long enough to figure out what you want in life, where you want to go, and who might help you get there. Then, get moving... this time, toward your goals.
You must also deal with the items in your backpack. You may be on the right trail, going in the right direction, but your darn pack weighs so much that you inevitably exhaust yourself, get hurt, or lose focus. Take time to unpack and survey the contents. What are you carrying that no longer serves you? What drains the most energy? Keep only what helps you move forward, survive, and thrive. Discard anything that keeps you stuck. Let it go! In lessening your load, you are choosing what matters most to you, ensuring the energy to pursue those passions exuberantly.
It is really a matter of time management. How long do you want to carry the extra load? How much of your life are you willing to waste wandering aimlessly? The time and effort it takes to free your life (and home) of energy-draining clutter may seem like an insurmountable task, but it may take only a day...a weekend...or just a week, once you make the decision to take action. Letting go of items, assumptions, and relationships that no longer support you will invariably put you more in touch with what really matters to you. It will inspire the vision and vitality needed to take you to the mountaintops of your life, rather than forever languishing on the trail... confused, depressed, waiting to be rescued.
You make the ultimate decision about how you spend your time. Minutes turn to hours...to days...months...years. Will you be content to wander with the heavy load of doubt and indecision? Or will you clear the clutter and open up your life to more passionate possibilities? It is up to you.
--Article by Cara Maclean. With flair & flourish, Cara will help you get organized and plan personal events that allow you to celebrate your life with style. Breathe easier and have more fun -- let Cara take care of the details! For a free consultation, email: cara@flair-flourish.com .
Keeping PerspectiveBy
Celeste Palermo
Last July my daughter, Peyton, had a craniotomy to remove a large brain tumor from her cerebellum. She is now doing fabulous, but my world changed that day. Everything material that I valued no longer had meaning at all.
This kind of life changing event gives one true perspective. Until then, I thought I had a good life perspective, but might freak over a ding in my car door or get angry over juice spilled on the carpet. Faced with the thought of losing a child, I regretted every harsh word, every moment lost, every opportunity to communicate love that I had wasted.
Now the small stuff has been “windexed” from my eyes and I see more clearly what matters…
- Losing a business deal…just a bump in the road
- Plans cancelled last minute…an opportunity for spontaneous adventure
- Waiter bring the wrong dinner…no reason to get angry
- Money lost in a vending machine…Forget it
Stuff doesn’t matter. People do. Feelings matter. For me, this means putting down my pencil and cherishing the opportunity to play dress-up with Peyton. It means not wigging out over crayon on a wall, but admiring Morgan’s artistic endeavor (and paying better attention to her in the future). It means saying I am sorry even when I don’t feel like it. It means listening, setting aside my own agenda, and being there when it really matters.
Recently my mother-in-law, Gayla, came to visit and she took my kids to the mall –in our new Sequoia . When they got back to the car at the end of the day, Gayla saw a big white scrape down the driver’s-side fender. She panicked, thinking our car had been hit while she was in the mall.
“Oh, my dad and mom don’t care about stuff like that,” Peyton had reassured her. (Gayla recounted the conversation to me later.)
I like that story. It shows that even though I have my moments as the cranky wife/mom/friend, my family knows what really matters to me (us)…and it is not the stuff. Cars can be replaced. Carpets can be cleaned, walls re-painted. Feelings are not so easy to mend. When unfortunate events occur, keep a healthy perspective. Ask yourself, “Does this really affect my life in the big picture?” If not, forget about it. Letting go of the stuff—and holding tight to the people—is the best perspective of all.
Calling All GIRLS: Check out the updates to the GIRLS Letter website. Browse through Mom’s Corner, an inspiring collection of stories for mom, and share your experience as a “Girl on the Green” on the message board. Also, if you have positive feedback, PLEASE SHARE IT. E-mail your thoughts and comments to me at celeste@thegirlsletter.com. I would love to hear from you