The GIRLS Letter web site for women

Do you experience pleasure everyday? Do you know its face like an old friend that plops on your couch without permission? Are you comfortable with pleasure? Do you know it like the feel of your favorite socks, soft and squishy between your toes? Do you know what it smells like? Do you know its exquisite flavor?

We all need more pleasure in our lives. Even if you experience pleasure everyday, you can have more. You can. Is there a quota on pleasure? It there some law that says a portion of our lives must be mundane, boring, and even painful? Of course not. Yet most of us dredge through our days longing for the weekend, a vacation, or some type of escape from our ROUTINE. We wait for pleasure, failing to see it in the details of our lives.

What we must do is CREATE pleasure for ourselves. We must invite it into our lives, and make room for it between our “to do’s” and dust bunnies. We must CHOOSE to seek pleasure in all things—even difficult things. God did not mean for us to lead a somber melancholy existence, but we are responsible to create the lives we seek. We must pursue pleasure like Boss Hog after the Dukes of Hazard—with determination and wild abandon, never losing sight of our goal.

Embracing pleasure can mean stepping out of our comfort zone. It can mean doing things that feel scary or taking a risk. Pleasure can also be something simple that makes a BIG difference.

Here are a few things that bring me pleasure: the spontaneous thoughtfulness of a stranger, receiving a letter from a friend, sleeping late on a Saturday, a night out with my friends, and no cavities at the dentist. (This is just a small sampling, but I list these items to illustrate a point.) Sometimes we are the recipients of pleasure without expending effort as with the thoughtfulness of a stranger or receiving a letter. Other times, we must work to get it: I must plan for my husband to watch the kids so I can sleep in; I must schedule a night with the girls, and I must brush and floss regularly to reap the benefits of healthy teeth. More often than not, we must work for pleasure; we must create it.

For this GIRLS Letter, I sent out an E-mail to about 50 women, asking for feedback on what brings them pleasure. Three people responded. Three. That tells me two things: First, you are all very busy. Second, many of you could not IMMEDIATELY think of a few pleasurable things in your life.

Things that bring us pleasure should roll off our tongues like the song of a lark. We need to be versed in pleasure—surround ourselves with it—and GIVE IT TO OTHERS. When asked what brings her pleasure, my daughter, Peyton rattled off a list faster than I could type. Yet, she gives me pleasure everyday as well—dishing out hugs like big sweet scoops of ice cream, and sharing laughter that tickles the joy strings in my heart. She makes me homemade cards and picks me bouquets of dandelions interspersed with the neighbor’s tulips. All this brings me pleasure (although I admit, the stolen tulips stress me out a bit).

I try to follow her lead and you should too. Discover what brings you pleasure in life and DIVE IN. Do something that will bring pleasure to another. Indulge yourself. Live every moment in full color.

This summer INVESTIGATE what brings you pleasure and do more of those things. Life is a gift. Enjoy it. We must CREATE the life we want. Life can be work; it can be tough. What is important is savoring the trip and finding the PLEASURE in the journey.

Be A Part of “GIRL Talk!”

I am putting together a collection of stories from you GIRLS…Glorious, Intelligent, Radiant, Luscious Sisters…in a book. Every woman has a story. Share your life experience with others. It will be a gift that adds wisdom and joy, laughter and love to the lives of others.

I am looking for stories in each of five categories: Friendship, Dating, Career, Marriage/Divorce, and Motherhood. I am also open to other topics—if you have a story to share, please send it to me. I am looking for the best you have to offer…the funny, the crazy, the life changing…the lesson learned, the tough times, the trials. Write with the type of honesty you share with your best friend. Be daring. Share with the intent to impart wisdom, lift someone’s spirits, and make someone’s life better. Be REAL, HONEST, and let your heart shine through.

This is your chance…tell your story! See your name in print! I am confident this book will be a success…Be a part!

Anyone can submit a story, so encourage the women you know to write as well— Send stories to: celeste@thegirlsletter.com. Edit and revise as much as possible and make sure you send your best work. Be concise, but do not leave out important details. I am looking forward to reading your story! Entries will be accepted until August 15, 2004.

*Note: I have a book deal with a publisher for my first book. This will be my second project. Many of you have mentioned writing…please be a part. The more GIRLS, the better the book will be!

*I hope to have proceeds from the book go to a non-profit / charity. Details on this are preliminary, but it will benefit a good cause.

GIRLS EVENTS

We have some great GIRLS events in the works for spring and summer. Please subscribe to the GIRLS letter or send me your E-mail address, so I can keep you updated on events! Watch the website! Fun times…coming soon!

Quick Quotes

“In life there are no ordinary moments. Most of us never really realize the most significant moments of our lives when they are happening.”
--Kathleen Magee

“The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it’s really a different kind of life.” --Buckminster Fuller

Embracing “Guilty” Pleasures
By Cara Titcomb

Driving down the highway, I noticed a new billboard: Christina Aguilera was coming to town! “That would be a fun concert,” I immediately said to myself. On second thought, “Maybe not.” I realized quickly, not only would I go alone because no one would likely accompany me, I would spend most of the concert lamenting our misguided youth in their ultra-low rise jeans. Whatever the scenario: “My name is Cara and I like Christina Aguilera.” I can hear the 12-steps now. The music of both Christina and Britney has long been a guilty pleasure – something I enjoy, but do not often admit to others. As I drove along to my forgotten destination, something more profound occurred to me. The concept of “guilty pleasure” makes no sense. Why feel guilty about something you enjoy? I have many such indulgences – chocolate desserts, afternoon naps, and fashion magazines. I began to wonder if all women had their equivalent. Though not a robust test by any means, I asked a few friends (men and women) if they had guilty pleasures. In most cases, a mischievous gaze appeared on the faces of my female friends whereas the men thought for a moment and said, “No. I just do stuff I like.” “Suspicious,” I thought with a mischievous gaze of my own. Whether or not there is the gender divide I suspect, my curiosity developed into analysis. Why does the concept of “guilty pleasure” exist?

In our culture, we have an odd relationship with pleasure. On one hand, we want and believe we deserve everything. On the other hand, we regard too much pleasure as excessively self-indulgent and something to be avoided – sinful as it were. In an effort to be good citizens, we either deny ourselves completely or facetiously apologize should someone catch us in the act. We are not genuinely sorry – we enjoy what we are doing, but we also realize others may not approve. In these instances, we may avoid some social stigma, but the damage is already done. We have allowed someone else’s perceived criteria of good and bad to infiltrate our own psyche. Every time we have dessert or sleep until 9am, we end up feeling like we should have rather eaten a raisin or gone running at dawn. (And when sleep becomes a “guilty” activity, something has surely gone awry.)

What if the “guilty pleasures” for which we deride ourselves actually contain seeds of passion and talents yet unexplored? (Or much needed rest in some cases.) If I examine my own pleasures, I see threads of creativity not developed or acknowledged elsewhere. With Christina and Britney, I can dance – something I have not done formally for a long time. In fashion magazines I connect with my inner designer, developing my own style and collecting ideas. Even enjoying intricate desserts may signal a passion for cooking never pursued. Could I be devaluing true interests and talents when I deem these pleasures “guilty” and thus not worthy of more focused attention? Could we be denying ourselves the space and time to develop talent because of its more frivolous veneer?

This reminds me of a story I read about an English professor at a prestigious university who secretly wrote romance novels under a pseudonym. She toyed with the idea of telling her colleagues, but feared they would think less of her professionally. Thus, she lives a double life. This may not be ideal, but now she is quite successful in both areas. I would like to know when she realized her talent for writing romance. Did her skill first develop under the guise of a guilty pleasure perhaps? Quite possibly – and had she never developed that talent, part of her identity (and income I might add) would have never been realized.

We get so focused on being professional, productive, and prudent individuals sometimes the cheeky and creative side of ourselves gets lost or denigrated. Why not use your guilty pleasures to your advantage? Claim them as your own without shame. Now, I am not advocating Christina-like dance moves at the office. Just carve out space somewhere to enjoy your pleasures sans guilt so you can see with a kind eye. With each activity you consider “guilty,” take a look at what really gives you pleasure. Is it the suspense, the emotional impact, the act of shopping, or gabbing with gal pals? Remember, the key term here is “pleasure.” As humans, we also engage in activities for which we feel guilty, and from which we gain no pleasure. Only you can determine the boundaries of pleasure or pain; just be honest with yourself. Does the activity make you smile, laugh, and otherwise joyful? If so, it is probably a pleasure. If it makes you feel worse after the fact, it probably signals some larger need that is not being met. Now is a good time to address those issues as well. Everything fills a need. Everything has a purpose. Find the hidden creative spark waiting to be fanned and build on your interest and talent. Incorporate them into your daily life, embrace them as normal, and enjoy. As long as pleasures support the enjoyment life, guilt is unnecessary. Let it go. It is time to Indulge and Discover!

WHAT OTHER GIRLS SAID ABOUT PLEASURE
(After two E-mails and many threats…)

Eating a rich, decadent CHOCOLATE dessert * Seeing my husband’s smile when he returns home *Taking ski boots off after skiing fresh powder on a beautiful sunny day *The excitement of my dog whenever I return home—----- Carolyn Drever

What brings me pleasure... right now? Being able to breathe out of both nostrils. Ahh, the things we take for granted. Pleasure for me comes from many places. The scent on a pillow case, the lazy brightness of the afternoon sun, my big fluffy comforter, snuggling with my hunny in said comforter, dancing, writing, noticing cool patterns in nature (like the weave in a tree branch), raindrops, roses, whiskers, kittens... oh wait... I could go on forever. What brings me the most pleasure in my life is having supportive family and friends. Love is pleasure. –--- Cara Titcomb

Pleasure comes in many forms but at this stage of my life my priorities have definitely changed and so have my ideas on what constitutes true pleasure. Top of my list is the feeling of how comfortable my bed is, when after a very busy day, I get the pleasure of lying down and sinking into the cozy comfort it offers. Pleasure is sleeping all night and not having a "hot flash". You think you are going to sleep when your kids finally get out of their teenage years....wrong...menopause starts. Pleasure is smelling rain as it moves closer. Living in the desert only emphasizes that smell. Then of course, what every mother derives pleasure from is the sound of their child’s voice. --- Candy Baker

Seeing my dog’s joy the minute I walk in the house after work. * An ice cream cone on the first hot days of Spring.* A weekend with absolutely no scheduled obligations. ---Shawna Peters

What brings me pleasure...
• When my dog and I are hiking in the mountains and he is far ahead but stops, turns around, and waits to see me before he continues.
• Receiving a phone call from a friend you have not spoken to in a long time.
• Doing unique special things that can make someone's day.
• The smell of pine needles and the crunching of them under my feet.
• Sitting on the deck at night with my husband, having drinks and easy conversation.
• The feeling of physical exhaustion after a hard bike ride, run, or hike.
---Amy Dickinson

Spending time with friends and family * A romantic dinner/picnic with my man * Window shopping with my mom * The smell of fresh flowers * Fields of tulips and sunflowers * A child's laughter * Weekend getaways with my best girlfriends * Gardening in my yard (of my NEW HOUSE...YIPPEE) * An afternoon hike in Boulder on a sunny summer day * The beautiful view of the majestic mountains with hot air balloons * scattered throughout the morning sky * Cooking with my boyfriend for friends and family to enjoy * The taste of a good red wine--what would bring me pleasure is a 40 hour work week....ha-ha....do those exist anymore? --- Heather Parrish

Pleasure for me right now is to come home and have some peace and quite for myself. I really miss my boys’ everyday but to have special time with them is fun. I am really enjoying my house being cleaned. Do they do laundry? Tee Hee.... --Lisa Shaw

Playing Rock Star and princess. Spitting watermelon seeds at boys. Snuggling with my family. Having a big, big, big ice cream and playing outside on a hot day. Going to the movies. Eating cherries. Getting my picture taken. Riding my scooter. Having Sophia come over. Going to the library and reading books. --Peyton Palermo

Seeing my children smile--rainy afternoons --a good book--playing tennis--my husband be home from a trip— Polly Wright

A bawdy boast of pelicans ~adorn mirage and coast ~
proclaim their loud and fishly tales ~ upon peninsula posts.

For Helen
A room for two people, the Day of my birth.
Only you - now I fill the air,
Enveloping stillness to take my first breath,
Feel your tearful lips brush my hair. ---- Mary Sturman

For me, simple pleasures are really rather simple. Especially after you are a new mom for the second time. A simple pleasure is getting out of the house before 10:00 AM, after you started at 7:00 AM. A simple pleasure is taking a 20-minute nap to make up for hours of sleep deprivation. A simple pleasure is fitting into your "fat" jeans. (Of course, I have yet to experience this hallelujah. But, when I do, I will do the "Happy Dance".) A simple pleasure is watching your baby fall asleep with a smile on her face from being "milk drunk". A simple pleasure is when your 3 year old actually listens the first time you ask her to do something. A simple pleasure is sitting up in the middle of the night, looking over at my rumpled, yet still handsome, husband as McKenna cries from her room because she has woken up from a night terror for the third time and Macy cries from the bassinet next to the bed after I just put her down. And we both just smile and laugh at our luck. Simple pleasures for me are my daughters, every day. What a blessing! --- by Ashley Gehrke

The daily grind eventually takes its toll. My eyes are weary, the corners of my mouth find it more difficult to tighten into a smile and there is not a word left in the dictionary I care to utter. So, what pulls me from this solemn state? I go home. I open my windows allowing wistful breezes to refresh the room. Walking down the hall, I see it... my basin of utter bliss! Yes, in my bedroom is the 'Master Bath.' I love how that sounds... Master Bath. It sounds so regal, making me feel like a queen. I turn on the water as hot as it will go and pour sweet scented salts into the oval tub, turning the water a soft aqua blue. While it fills, I turn on my Andrea Bocelli CD and ponder Mistero Dell' Amore. I pour a glass of Zinfandel and return to the Master Bath, making sure I have my necessities: fuzzy slippers and cozy bathrobe waiting. It is time. I light the candles hanging on the wall and turn off the faucet. One toe first, just for temperature control, then I immerse myself the luxury of a nice hot bath. That, my friends, is my pleasure! ---Lisa Pollock

TRUE PLEASURE
by Linda Titcomb

Most of us generally associate pleasure with indulgence in the senses--Taste, Touch, Sight, Smell and Sound. Some of my favorites would be fresh peach pie topped with vanilla ice cream, the feel of fuzz on a new baby's head, the velvet beauty of a red, red rose, a whiff of anything freshly baked, and the symphonic crescendo of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" finale.

The slightest to the grandest experience or phenomena can give us immense pleasure, but the most satisfying pleasures are ours when they derive from our own accomplishments:

The fresh peach pie is all the more delicious when the peaches are picked, perfectly ripe, from the tree you planted, the peaches sliced, the crust prepared and baked to a golden tan, and the ice cream home-churned...by yourself;

the gentle touch of the baby's head all the more special when you are the one who has felt her/him grow for 9 months and then labored... to safely deliver the baby into this world;

the most beautiful, (and most fragrant) roses are picked from your own garden... and appreciated most when received from someone returning the love you've invested in them;

the aroma of those baked goods is enjoyed best when preceded by the careful calculation of ingredients--with the test toothpick slipping clean, confirming perfection;

and when the symphonic sounds you hear are "Pomp and Circumstance" signifying the culmination of many years of focused study.

Not that a trip to the Spa to nurture ourselves is not an essential experience to be appreciated and enjoyed--but when it celebrates the moment you open an envelope and read the words, "Yes!" to a book proposal, culminating in publication...well, now we're talking!

The true depth of our pleasure is inextricably linked to the price we pay...in effort, in love, in personal sacrifice. True pleasure is not a random happenstance but the delicious return on our life energies wisely invested, properly managed, well spent and deservedly enjoyed--the magnificent splendor beheld after the mountain has been arduously climbed.

Check this out!

The makers of M&M candies have teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation to raise funds through the sale of their new "pink &white” M&M candies. For each 8-ounce bag of the special candies sold, the makers of M&M (Masterfoods) will donate 50 cents to the foundation. The next time you want a treat, please pick up a bag (now sold in stores nationwide) - you will be donating to a great cause and satisfying your sweet tooth.

Please check out this webpage. A group of people is trying to get a Pink Breast Cancer license plate approved for the state of Colorado. I think it is a great idea!

Have any of you ever been to www.realage.com? GO. Take the survey and be honest. You will answer questions on lifestyle and relationships, diet and family. Then, based on your answers you can find out your “real age.” The computer will also suggest changes you can make that will add years to your life. (A veritable fountain of youth!) Let me tell you, I was a spring chicken until I admitted that I only floss four times a week and I work out about as much as a sloth. Then my age shot up rapidly. (Oh well, now I have room for improvement.) Here is how I did: My chronological age is 32.1. My “real age” is 32.0. If I start to work out regularly and floss, I can be 24 in 90 days. So by the next GIRLS Letter, I will be a youngin’ again!

This is a fun test and provides great suggestions towards a healthier lifestyle. Check it out!

Health Check

After taking the “real age” test, I made a list of things I KNOW ARE GOOD FOR ME, BUT FAIL TO DO ON A REGULAR BASIS. These include: flossing everyday, drinking enough water, limiting sugar intake, drinking green tea, exercising regularly, relaxation and massage, wearing earplugs when I blow dry my hair and doing kegels (after two kids, my pelvic floor is a priority).

What do you know is good for you, but fail to do? Anything on my list ring a bell with you? I have posted little reminders around my house to help me stick to my priorities. It is tough to do them all, but if I can accomplish just a few each day, I am healthier than the day before!

The Pleasure Principle

Things that bring me Pleasure: Fresh tulips in a milk jug on my kitchen table, The first sip of a Starbucks vanilla latte, Lounging in front of a roaring fire. Getting lost in the pages of a good book. The feeling of satisfaction after a workout. Laughing until you cry. A margarita and Mexican food. Walking on the beach in the rain. Flying with my dad. The lingering smell of cologne on my husband’s shirt when I am doing laundry. Hitting a golf ball perfectly. A tub of red vines. Checking Items off my “to do” list. Seeing Morgan’s chunky legs in a bikini. My family. Love.

Why don’t you: Indulge in a piece of dark chocolate (good for your heart!). Buy an old-fashioned piggy bank and save a few dollars each day for something special. Go to www.birthdayalarm.com and make a database of all your friends and family’s birthdays…then send a card (or an E-card) on their big day. Buy flowers for no reason at all. Take a hike. Call someone in your family that you have not talked to in a while. Paint your grandma’s fingernails. Set goals and make a plan to achieve them. Take a deep breath. Be brave enough to live the kind of life you only dream of.

TheLoveOfMyLife was looking in the mirror last night. He has a nightly ritual that either proceeds to the making sure there are no blemishes, an infamous nose hair maintenance program, or cleaning of the ears. I am doing my own nightly bedtime ritual of washing my face, applying night cream in hopes of delaying smile lines, and brushing my teeth. I think if I ever spent as much time as TheLoveOfMyLife does looking in the mirror at a close distance I would scream, cry, and run to the nearest plastic surgeon.

I am brushing my teeth and trying to talk to TheLoveOfMyLife. It frustrates him because he keeps asking me, “What?”

“Mi shed, How Wash er day?” I mumble, drooling a little bit of toothpaste down my chin.

He just glares at me, which means I needed to finish brushing my teeth before trying to carry on a conversation. This is also a nightly ritual. I believe someday I will be capable of brushing my teeth and talking at the same time. I will never give up; I just keep trying.

As I rinse out my sink, I hear a muffled scream and an “OH MY GAWD!” (This is also a normal thing because it is usually followed by the “I have a weird hair on my back”, or “Am I to young to have hair coming out of my ears?”) But tonight I would hear one I have been waiting to hear since we were married: “I HAVE A GRAY HAIR!”

It is music to my ears. I have a lovely patch of silver at the top left side of my head. I started getting gray hair when I was about 23years old…right when we got married. Go figure. Since then I have been getting them dyed, highlighted and anything else that will cover them up. I will not go gray gracefully. I will fight until gray hair is appropriate for my age; I am thinking about 85, Maybe 90 years of age.

I towel off my mouth and smile. Not an “Oh honey, I’m so sorry” smile, but an evil one. One that Dr. Frankenstein gave when he created life. The one my children give daily when they have done something evil to one another. The one that makes you rub your hands together throw your head back and laugh “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!”

With his sad puppy dog eyes, he looks to me for sympathy. Then he looks back in the mirror at the single hair he is holding up. “I think it might actually be blonde.”

Determined to prove him wrong I move in for the kill. “Let me have a look see.” I glide over toward him, hold up the single hair and study it for a minute. “Hum.” I sound like a doctor ready to give a terminal diagnosis. “Looks to me like you got your first gray hair.” I turn away and snicker.

“You find this amusing don’t you?” theLoveOfMyLife asks sadly.

Using my best Gone with the Wind accent I flip my hair back and say, “Why yes, I do honey.” I have secretly dreamed of this moment for a very long time. Little things make me very happy in life. Except for the large house, nice cars and little sparkly things, I am an easy person to please.

As he whimpers, it dons on me that a gray hair will actually work in his favor. The one thing every man has on his side is that when they turn gray they are distinguished. Women, on the other hand, are old.

TheLoveOfMyLife has always had a face of an 18-year-old boy. He always gets carded and they double-check the license to make sure it is not fake. He has that “boy next door look.” It is a face every mother loves; cute dimples, a great smile and sweet, trusting eyes. However, who can trust someone who has never had a gray hair until he is 35 years of age? Not me!

“Should I pull it out?” he asks me.

“No! You silly,” I proclaim. “If you do that a thousand more will grow in its place. Trust me on this one.”

He stands there holding up the lone hair. If I am not mistaken it looks as if he is wishing it away. He has his eyes closed and is mumbling.

I walk out of the bathroom and crawl into bed. I am quite certain I hear sniffling, as if he is actually crying. He crawls into bed with me and we look at each other for a while. In the extremely long silence (especially for me), I give in and say I am sorry he has a gray hair. I guess I have lived with mine for so long it really does not affect me much anymore. (And I guess you cannot see them through color number 48.)

I kind of feel sorry for him and his new journey into adulthood. Maybe the gray hair will actually mature him. Maybe he will start wearing a tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows and start smoking a pipe. Maybe he will start quoting Hemmingway and Shakespeare. Or maybe, just maybe, he will start putting the toilet lid down and put the pillows back on the chair after he sits there. All a woman can do is dream. I think I am asking a whole lot from just one gray hair.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE…

1) Subscribe!! Go to: www.thegirlsletter.com and subscribe. (You will need to confirm your subscription on your E-mail.) Tell family and friends as well. Also, if your E-mail has changed, you will need to re-subscribe with the new address.
2) Print off a copy of the letter and read it. I find that on E-mail, most people skim. This issue is packed with great stories –take time to read it all and ENJOY!
3) Contribute! Is something on your heart? Do you want to work on you writing? Write for the GIRLS Letter. (Next issue will be August 2004. Contact me if you are interested.)
4) Write a story for GIRL Talk. Just try. I will edit and work with you on your story if you want---please give it a go.

Lastly, I have a favor: if you enjoy the GIRLS Letter, and know others that may like it (especially moms), please ask a few friends to subscribe to the letter on the website. I have a book (for new moms with kids under six years) coming out next year! (YAY!!!!!) I would love to have a big subscription base to help promote and launch my book when it is released. Thank you for your help!